February 13th

This is the email I sent everyone:

Hi Friends,

It’s cryday the 13th, and I was thinking to send everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day greeting, but this year is a new year and I have temporarily declared myself asexual and sworn off all men---I lote them! (except my guy friends, of course). I keep meeting reverse evolution princes who have the attitude of a staremaster sans the bod. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have amoraphobia. I just don’t want to be the Valenspammer of the year or even to be as pathetic as those long-stem posers and fear gogglers who would take anyone even foxymorons.

Please excuse me when I say that for today, I would rather not create blue bawls or be a scamentine, but I’d rather be a GHag working on a lush flush, drimming the night away.

Happy Cryday the 13th.

Not bitter at all & never will be a bandwagoner,
camille

Word Definitions:

drimming v. Drunk instant-messaging.

lush flush n. The rosy hue one gets in her cheeks after a few too many glasses of wine.

reverse evolution princes n. Men who at first seem to be princes but turn out to be frogs.

foxymoron n. One who is incredibly dumb but incredibly cute, who simultaneously attracts and repels. (“I’m so ashamed. I hooked up with that foxymoron last night.”)

GHaG n. Acronym. Girl-Hating Girl. The one whose only friends are guys.

staremaster n. Gym dandies who constantly check themselves out in the mirror. (“If that staremaster touches his pecs one more time …”)

bandwagoner n. A once-single woman who traditionally swears off the holiday but is now happily coupled off and suddenly all about hearts, roses, and luuuv …

cryday the 13th n. The day before Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a boy/girlfriend.

fear goggling n. The act of rushing into a relationship in order to avoid spending Valentine’s Day alone.

scamentine n. Someone who always has a random hookup on Valentine’s Day.

Valenspammer n. Shallow sentimentalist who sends valentines to everyone she knows. (“Don’t be flattered by Josie’s card. She’s a notorious Valenspammer.”)

long-stem posers n. people who send themselves flowers from a “secret admirer.”

lote v. to walk the thin line between love and hate. (I lote Johnny. One day he’s a dollface; the next he’s a total wanker.)

amoraphobia n. an irrational fear of Valentine’s Day.

blue bawls n. an emotional, romantic version of flirting that leaves you feeling sad and crying.